remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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