I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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