I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
