Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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