Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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