i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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