its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
