I cannot find my penis.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
