The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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