I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
