Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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