He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
