i think my mom watched the whole time
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
