Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
