we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
