worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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