i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
