Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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