My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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