only if we run a train.
done.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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