I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize