you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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