This is not my ceiling
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
