I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
