Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
