im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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