If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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