I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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