I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
