Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
