kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
