So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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