Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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