I think i sorta joined a cult last night
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
