We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
