why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need a beard to bite.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
