just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
