Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
