Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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