I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Blood and glitter go together right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
