ugly people sure do ruin things
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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