Got a toothbrush?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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