All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
