I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
