Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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