Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
