their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
