I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
