I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize