i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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