I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
