this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
