I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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