I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
