I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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