A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
The struggles of a small town man whore
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
