I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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