I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
