I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Barsexuality is the new black.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
