My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
