she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize