I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
