Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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