Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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