Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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