There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
