Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

you should have been aborted.

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(949): View more from California

We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations

Fav 6 5897 1338
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

Fav 16 5384 1443
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...

Fav 14 1439 3478
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(719): View more from Colorado

I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

Fav 7 3059 1368
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(210): View more from Texas

Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.

Fav 17 4652 1298
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.

Fav 1 496 749
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(352): View more from Florida

To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.

Fav 0 185 77
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(850): View more from Florida

Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.

Fav 1 86 7
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