i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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