Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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