Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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