If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i barfeds in our rink
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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