sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
