Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
