Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
