this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
