nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
