just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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