I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
