Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
