I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
