I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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