I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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