He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
