Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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