In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
