'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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