im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
