dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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