I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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