I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
