I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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