its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
