He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
