I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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