just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
