So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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